Chaos • Alignment • Synchronicity • Source

We often spend so much time setting SMART goals and deciding on where we want to end up at the end of a particular journey, which is good, the more detail, the better. Knowing the answer to the question What do you want? is pertinent to the success of your goal…. but we often side-step the Where are you now? bit. Sometimes it’s out of shame, because we think we’re not as far as we should be in our lives, the whole ‘keeping up with the Jones’ concept. Sometimes it’s because we simply didn’t think about this part of the equation… often it’s out of fear — fear that we’re too far from our goal, fear that we won’t be able to take the steps between here and there, fear that if we pause to take stock we’ll lose momentum and never get going again.

These are valid fears AND you still need to know where you are to be able to get to where you are going! Yes, spend your time dreaming, spend your time planning, spend your time looking ahead — looking outward, that’s where the future is going to manifest. However, start by looking inward.

So, get some paper an pen, or open a new google doc file, here are some good questions to ask yourself when you’re trying to suss out where you are now:

How do I spend my time? (all of it, work, play, idle, sleep, etc)
Knowing what you’re doing with your time will allow you to see where you have excess, for example, are you doom-scrolling after dinner because you’re too tired to do anything else? Maybe you need to get to bed earlier or sleep a little longer in the morning… are you spending enough time with your partner or kids or friends, maybe you need to do more of that to fill your cup… are you spending any of your time on self-improvement, and if not, where can you carve some of that out?… what about self-care, have you scheduled any?

What in my life makes me feel good // what makes me feel not-so good?
Knowing that getting to read a story to your kid and tucking them in at night makes you feel good, and writing it down on paper, is a good way to ensure you’ll do it more often… knowing that taking the garbage out every week makes you feel burdened means it’s time to talk with the other contributing people in the household to see where chore division can maybe be changed… whatever the acts may be, thinking about how they make you feel is something we don’t always do, knowing what builds you up and what tears you down can offer points of change — do more of what you like and negotiate around those that you don’t.

Who have I surrounded myself with? (friends, family, co-workers, mentors, etc)
We are often a reflection of the people we spend time with. If you have loose connections with everyone in your life, just people you meet at the pub and shoot the shit with, then maybe it’s time to look for a mentor who you can share the deeper stuff with. If you are so busy that you only socialize with your colleagues at work, perhaps it would be a good idea to revisit how you spend your time so you can make room for more meaningful connections.

Am I living a life in alignment with my values? If not, how am I off the mark? (see this previous blog about finding your values)
This one is a doozy. Sometimes we find that we haven’t given ourselves enough opportunities to live out those values. If community is important to you, but you’re too busy with work and life to ever attend community events, then things certainly need to change. When we are living out of alignment with our core values, we can feel tired all the time, like every act is a struggle. When we are able to align with even a few of those values, things can start feeling easier — and when we are living a life fully in alignment with our values, that’s when flow starts to happen and self-fulfillment becomes a reality.

Do I have a job, or a career, and do I find satisfaction from it, or am I just going through the motions?
We live in a really messed up money-centered world right now. We need money to have our basic needs met. If you are working a job because that’s all you can find and you need to feed your family — do not feel judged! You are doing what needs to be done and that is honourable. However, if you are able to reach beyond and you just aren’t, then that is on you. An education isn’t always feasible in this economic climate, but most medium and large cities have business centres with great opportunities for retraining and back-to-work classes. Check them out. If you need to keep doing what you’re doing to make ends meet, don’t judge yourself harshly, radical acceptance here is sometimes the only way forward.

In what ways do I currently aim to better myself?
Are you taking any courses online, do you have a therapist, are you involved in any support groups, do you have an accountability buddy, do you engage in mindful movement? There are so many ways to enhance your life, what are you doing for yourself?

In what ways do I currently make a difference in the world around me?
Are you volunteering anywhere, do you give back in a way that feels reasonable to your ability to do so, this may be seen as a “tithe” or a tenth of your annual produce/earnings. It doesn’t need to be exact, it can be less or more based on your situation, and it doesn’t have to come in monetary form, you can give of your time and your skills.

If you’re looking for purpose and meaning in your life, it is probably a good time to set some goals. But in order to get to those steps, you need to first know where you are now. By answering the above questions, you should have a pretty good sense of where you are, and can move on to the getting to somewhere else you want to be more! Don’t worry if answering these questions doesn’t come easy — take your time, taking stock can be difficult. Facing our true selves in the mirror might take a few days or a week, or more! Whatever time it takes you, it will be worth it.

Now that you know where you are now — the next question to ask is ‘What do you want?’ but that’s a blog for another day! Reach out and find me online, I’m available to help you sift through these questions and more.