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Which Wolf will you feed? Discover the source of your strength and balance
The time to find you guide is before you get lost in the woods
There is quite a lot going on at this point in time for us to have a global loss of good cheer. While not avoiding those issues, it is still possible to cultivate cheer in your focus on the every day around you. Cheer is simply defined as: cheerfulness, optimism, or confidence. Since we are all able to hold multiple emotions in our bodies at the same time, we can learn to increase cheer while also recognizing that this season, this year, is not a good time for all.
Like I mentioned, cheerfulness is something we cultivate. If you want to always wake up on the right side of the bed, you need to put in the effort to make that happen, it isn’t just going to surprise you out of nowhere. For example, getting
your morning things prepared the night before so you can set yourself up for success from the word go. Things like having water and morning medications at hand beside your bed, if required. Or picking your outfit the night before, so you’re not digging for the one missing sock while you might still be groggy in the morning. Setting your alarm, and planning to get enough hours in — which might include charging your phone in another room if you tend to be a bed-time scroller. Adopting a practice of morning journaling, writing out a stream of consciousness-type entry can get your mental gears turning, and even open you to writing in a gratitude journal afterwards. This can be as simple as 1-3 things you are grateful for every morning. By putting the best foot forward from the moment you wake up, by planning and making good routines or habits, you are lining yourself up for a day full of cheer and possibilities.
One good thing to note, if you run into trouble throughout the day, something pulls you down, you can take a time out and focus on affirmations as a good way to get back to the cheer you were feeling beforehand. Remembering, positive present tense is what you want here — I am full of joy. I am strong and capable. I can do anything I put my mind do/I do all the things I put my mind to. Even as simple a: I’ve got this.
Of importance is knowing that we cannot pour from an empty well. If our cup is empty, then we have nothing to spill over to those around us. Self-care and mindfulness are some ways to get back to neutral, so then we can take on the endeavours that bring good cheer into our life, and allows us to spill that cheer outward to those around us. Something as small as a smile exchanged with a stranger can get the happy-chemicals flowing in both of your brains. A smile is never a waste of time.
So, how can you help others (or yourself) to build cheer when they’re feeling down and out? Great question! Here are a few things to try:
Ask if it is wanted — Starting with a simple query, hey, do you want some help cheering up, is a pretty important stage. Cheer isn’t always wanted, in the face of loss or impending loss, feeling the sadness or other intense appropriate emotion might actually be what is needed in the moment. If they decline your invitation, you can just let them know you’re there, and you’re open to rebuilding happiness together whenever they’re ready.
Just being there — Sometimes emotions overwhelm us, and being alone can be unbearable. Just letting your friend, family member, or colleague know that you are there for them is a great start. They may want to sit in silence, or reminisce, or any number of things, but knowing you’re there for/with them can make it all that much easier.
Leave them a note — Whether it is someone we love dearly, or someone we just cross paths with, having our lack of cheer noticed can be healing in and of itself. A quick note, “hey, I saw you feeling down today. Just wanted to wish you well in whatever is going on.” with a smiley face or heart, can make all the difference to someone’s day. After all, sometime being seen is all we need.
Do something simple together — Life is full of difficult choices and tough tasks. Taking time out with a friend to do something simple, even if it feels silly, can give a boost of cheer. Go for a swing on a swing set, or out for ice cream, or have an impromptu pillow-fight. Doing whatever you know would help you friend feel better in the moment can go a long way down the road back to cheerfulness.
Positive reinforcement or validation — Start by listening to the other person, and then give them positive feedback, or validate what they are going through. Venting is one thing, that’s great, to have someone let us get out the steam, but sometime we need to know that what we’re feeling is normal and valid.
Volunteer together — This is a great way to start building back self-esteem. Knowing that what you’re doing really matters to someone can bring cheer to the work you do. Can be as easy as shoveling drive-ways in your neighbourhood in the winter, or serving lunch at the local soup-kitchen. Or as complex as canvasing for a local politician. Or as fun as dressing up as Santa Claus/Santa’s helpers at a staff party. Whatever it is you’re volunteering your time doing, it is usually a heart-warming exercise.
Take a tech break — Putting away the devices and social media for X amount of time can be a much needed relief, and doing it with someone else can make it less lonely. Dust off the boardgames and get out some snacks, or simply go on a walk together, whatever you do, do it without tech and enjoy the moment.
Talk it out — Sometimes it isn’t action that we need. Sometimes it is a sounding board or a listening ear or a crying shoulder that will be the thing that gets us back on track. Letting it out and hearing yourself say the words out loud often lets us release the hold we have on the emotions around any given event. Whether you’re the listener or the talker, this is a good point of connection and can begin the journey back to cheer.
Visualize — If you are struggling, taking some time to visualize what success might look like, what kind of world it will be, what kind of person you will be, if things go the way you hope. Even if they don’t happen quite like you visualize, putting that energy out into the universe of how you’d like things to go is a great start of making them happen. We often expect the worst, which is its own recipe for disaster. What if, instead, we expected the best?
Do a RAOK (random act of kindness) together — The benefit is in the doing even more than the receiving. There are places that exist fully on a gift economy. Giving without the expectation of return. Simply giving for the joy of giving. I am in a Crochet RAOK group on facebook, where people crochet small items and attach cheerful notes, and then leave them about their town (the library, the grocery store, wherever they might be headed that day) with a request to take a photo and post it in the FB group if you found the item and it made you smile. Doing it with a friend can expand the cheer ten-fold.
Mindfulness (or meditation, or yoga) — Focus on the here and now. Don’t let depressive rumination or anxious fortune-telling get in your way. Just listen to your body and the immediate surroundings, focus down on something in front of you. This can lead to letting go of unwanted feelings and welcoming in of cheer.
Just. Breathe. — We’re all mostly shallow breathers, so filling your lungs fully with a deep breath can bring a wave of new perspectives. This is one you can do on your own at your desk, or with friends in a group. Deep breathing, or four-square breathing, or guided breathing can do wonders for the spirit.
Build a fort together — It doesn’t have to be much, a couple chairs and a blanket, or it can be very elaborate (there are fort-building kits out there these days!), whichever way you do it, doing something child-like and fun can be an occasion to let go of your worries and focus on fun together. Cheer is often found in activities that engage our inner child in a positive manner.
Break some plates — The science is still out, but one Dr Eliza Belle says “when done in a safe, nonviolent, and controlled setting” it is a popular way to encourage stress release. Check out your city directory, there way be a place to do this as an outing. Or maybe give axe-throwing a try. Let go of some of that built-up steam, so you can settle yourself down into cheer.
Laugh together — Whether it is by being silly, or going out to a comedy show, or putting a rom-com on Netflix, they say laughter is the best medicine for good reason. There are even places in the world where they practice laughter as a group activity. Forced laughter isn’t as good as organic laughter, but it does engage many of the same brain chemistry (just not nearly in as high doses). Make sure both parties are on board with the form of laughs, things like practical jokes may backfire if you don’t know for sure this is something the other person will find amusing.
Before wrapping up, it is important to make two points. 1) It’s okay not to be cheerful. It’s okay to feel the full range of emotions, and to let them pull you down, even to a stop. Things like grief need us to pause and reflect. But when it is time to move again, to start again, there are the people around us who will be ready and waiting to help us pick up the pieces. If you’re down, reach out. And if you see someone down, reach back! AND 2) All of this won’t happen overnight. Just because you do-all-the-things, doesn’t mean you’re going to be the epitome of cheerfulness immediately. Give yourself time to actually cultivate the mindset. Life is full of pitfalls, be kind and remember to practice self-care.
If you’re struggling to find cheer this season, reach out for a free 30 minute Discovery Call and lets see if we can’t strum up some good cheer together.
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