Chaos • Alignment • Synchronicity • Source

But many people fail. Saying yes to too many things, being too anxious for the reaction of other if you said no. This is my own current learning. Having to juggle my energy during the day because I’ve over-committed myself, and I want to honour (be accountable to) the plans I’ve made.

Sometimes we are unable to be accountable to ourselves — it is much too easy when we know the whole picture (our schedule, or responsibilities, the ways in which we are stretched thin, etc) to let ourselves off the hook for things — because most of us, maybe all of us, are burning the candle at both ends, so to speak. We sleep less, we fit more into a day, trying to squeeze the most out of every moment and experience, raising our kids, or ourselves. Or we’re the opposite, we’re depressed and can’t seem to do much of anything, maybe not even the basics of self-care. In either case, it could be a real boon to our situation to bring in outside support, someone who is interested in their own accountability and comes together with you to build am alliance. A partner in crime, so to speak. Someone who wants to get a similar task done (exercise routine, eating plan, work scheduling, household chores, writing companion) and reaches out to you, or vice versa, to make a plan.

How does an Account-a-buddie work?

For example, if you were feeling writer’s block and needed to set aside specific time to get the task done, maybe write some copy for your website or update your blogs or finish a report for work, you could ask a colleague or friend who had similar intentions, “Hey, let’s get together Friday mornings for 2 hours and really knuckle down and get some writing going.” And hopefully your potential Accountability Partner says yes! Then you set the time, put it in your calendar, and agree to meet, whether it be in person with laptops at a cafe, or from home over zoom, wherever is most convenient and most conducive to success.

The psychology behind this is — it’s harder to let a friend down than it is to let ourselves down. The other person doesn’t have the whole picture, they don’t know how hard you’re working just to stay afloat. They also have their own investment in this arrangement, with their own task, so you are equally invested. Sometimes sharing the load can make it feel lighter, even when you’re both bringing your own weight to the circumstance.

It is important to set some goals and boundaries around this situation.

Choose your buddies wisely — if you know you’re just going to get together and gab with a certain friend, then they are not a good choice. However, someone more at arm’s length might be better because you have less to say and more riding on creating a good impression of who you are to them.

Give this partner some power — if they are going to push you toward your better self, they need to know what they’re allowed to do or say. Can they call you if you’re late to a session? Should they encourage you or suggest rewards you might give yourself, or do you respond better to punishment (ie no fancy coffee this time because you didn’t make it last time).

Start and end with a plan — set out a goal for each session at the beginning and review it at the end. Did you achieve your goal? Was it too ambitious in the first place? What can you learn from this experience for next time? How can you better set yourself up for success?

Take breaks as needed — if you plan to work for 2 hours together, know that at about the 1hr mark you’re going to need to stand up, stretch, grab a drink refill, whatever it might be that takes your eyes off the screen and gives your brain a pause. Pausing is key. Even if you’re in flow, letting your body move for a few moments will give you an opportunity to feel what it is like to slip back into flow again.

And the biggest piece here is — HONESTY. Be honest with your account-a-buddy, let them know where you’re at. If your head isn’t in the game today, maybe you can reschedule. If you simply want to spend the time reading up on your chosen subject, and can only get some point-form notes down, is this okay? Be honest with yourself, did you bring your A-game or were you just phoning it in?

Last but not least, don’t wear yourself thin — If your Accountability Partner is asking too much of you, or you’re asking too much of yourself in the moment, know that it is okay to say no. Working with others is just that, work. It can help or hinder us, so take stock of the way things are going and set yourself an end-date. Start with “We can meet once a week/month/bi-monthly”, but also know “I think I’ve run out of steam for these meetings. I really appreciate all you’ve done for me, but I think it’s time to stop.” is a very appropriate thing to say.

Accountability can be a sticky, tricky thing. Where does your responsibility end and the next person’s start? What is your duty and what isn’t? Being very clear and communicating these expectations from the start will be the most beneficial to you in the long-run.

There are other terms used for this — in toddlers we call it co-play, and if you have ADHD you may have practiced body-doubling, a strategy used to complete challenging tasks. Whatever you call it, having someone nearby with similar goals in mind can help you to stay focused, engaged, or motivated to finish the job! Why not try it out today?