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Let it go isn’t just a Disney song. It’s also really good advice! It’s not something you can do as easily as unclenching your hand and letting go of a rope. It’s a process where you choose to actively drop your inner resistance and then just feel the actual feelings that are present for you in the moment.
You need to be willing to let go. Willing to feel pain if that is what is present for you. The funny thing is, once you start to truly feel all your feels, they become less threatening. You’ve felt them before, you’ve been through this before. Feeling what is really going on is a way to take control again and choose to process feelings and stay in the present.
When we live in a mindset of lack, we often see things as having been taken from us, or done against us. It is a scarcity mindset — if that person takes it, there isn’t enough for me.
In contrast, when we live in abundance, we know that there is plenty in this world for all of us, we can feel joy for other’s wins and know that our own wins are happening, too. We don’t feel slighted when someone takes a miss-step, instead we get curious about our feelings and learn to let go of the emotions tied to an event, opening ourselves to the next new opportunity.
The act of letting go doesn’t mean we forget what is happening to us — It is okay to remember situations or people, but by releasing that tightly held energy and thoughts connected to it, you are opening the door to a happier life and a better future.
Letting go means leaving room for growth.
Change is inevitable. Things will happen that throw us off course, lead us away from our path. Learning to let go of our attachment to these emotions and instead choose abundance mindset will allow us to give grace to those around us and ourselves.
The latest neuroscience research shows that learning and change are cognitively beneficial, and they are also anti-aging. For example, it has been shown that if you have a second language beyond your native one, your brain learns to switch between them and this learning can help with accepting aging and stage of life changes.
As life happens around us and through us, we can retrain our brains to accept and even enjoy the new normal.
Like the lockdown we all experienced in recent times — it took some getting used to, for sure, but we survived through it and some people even thrived, using the downtime to start new online businesses or engage in new hobbies.
One of the things that happens when you start working from a mindset of abundance, is that you realize just how much choice you have in how you see the world. You can’t always choose the things that happen, but you can choose how you react to them and what you do next. And you learn that you can let go of what doesn’t work for you.
Looking at the way we see ourselves and the stories we tell about ourselves is a big piece of the puzzle. When we see ourselves as lacking, it is difficult to enter into an abundance mindset and instead really easy to feel like a victim in our own lives.
One of my favourite Maya Angelou quotes is “My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.”
I think it really highlights that, when you let go of something, the lessons and memories, the things that you’ve learned through the experience, they stay with you. It isn’t about forgetting what happened, it’s about finding peace with it and moving forward. We can assimilate a lesson without needing to hold on to the pain of the situation.
Here are some steps to help you on the path to let it go:
1. I often talk about “the stories we tell” .. when you have negative self-talk, it’s about having a response — TALK BACK to those thoughts. Tell them no, you’re a bad-ass and you’ve got this!
2. Putting literal physical distance between you and the person/situation so that you’re not faced with it constantly can help let go.
3. Work the work, if it involves therapy, or just journaling, whatever you need for you, do it.
4. Mindfulness invites us to stay in the moment, rather than wallow in what has come to pass.
5. Remember to be gentle with yourself, especially if this is a first encounter with something.
6. Emotions are neither positive or negative, they just ARE. Feeling angry or sad is just an emotion. Let it flow. and then choose what you DO — will you work out or create or jump in a cold lake.. etc.
7. If the situation involves someone else, accept that they may not apologize and that’s okay. We are all at different stages of our journey.
8. Make sure to take care of you and your own needs, self-care here — have a list, what works for you? Self-compassion, give yourself some grace.
9. Surround yourself with the people in your life who fill your cup. If you need some downtime/alone time, that’s fair, but remember that we live in community and we grow in community.
10. It’s okay to TALK about it, but don’t get stuck in rumination.
11. It’s also okay to forgive — let go of the anger, guilt, shame, sadness or whatever you may be feeling. What happened, happened, and now it’s time to move on.
12. SEEK HELP! .. If it’s a coach or a therapist or a psychiatrist, do what you need to move forward.
Remember the beginning — letting go is a process. It will take time. You may need to repeat actions in order to make them stick. If you’re looking for some support through this process, reach out and book a free 30 minute discovery call, I’d love to help you see the abundance in your life once you’ve let go of the pain.
