Chaos • Alignment • Synchronicity • Source

A person with a chronic illness, like fibromyalgia, or depression, or cancer, wakes in the morning with a very limited amount of spoons, and the actives they need to complete often take more spoons than it would for an able-bodied individual. In this scenario, the person is very likely to run out of spoons before they run out of day, and therefore must calculate carefully which activities can be carried out in any given day (and this calculation itself can take a spoon or two!)

People with a limited number of spoons often thrive on routine — knowing that Tuesday is a shower day means little else can be planned that day, but also that Monday and Wednesday likely aren’t going to include showering, and those spoons can be allocated to something else, like maybe grocery shopping or cleaning the kitchen, or changing the bed linen. Some activities (like grocery shopping) might steal spoons from the next day — what this means is, while they used up all of today’s spoons, they might also mean that the next day starts with far less spoons. This must be taken into account on the day of, and not suddenly realized the next day, when it was planned to do another spoon-heavy activity.

As you can guess, it can be exhausting to meter out spoons in this manner. This is a very visual way for someone who doesn’t have to do this kind of mental labour for everything they do on any given day, someone who has an abundance of spoons, to see what it could be like to live with a chronic illness.

A great activity is to write out several standard activities and assign them each a relevant spoon cost:

Get up 1
Brush teeth 1
Shower 5
Get dressed 2
Make/eat breakfast 3
Make a lunch to take 3
Walk/bike/public transit to work 5
Work for 8 hours 10
See doctor/therapist/specialist over lunch break 5
Walk/bike/public transit to home 6
Make dinner 4 vs. reheat leftovers 2 vs. order take-out 1
Spend an evening with friends playing board games 15
Get undressed 3
Climb into bed 2

If an average person starts the day with 100 spoons, they’ll be able to complete this list with no issues. If a person with chronic illness starts a day with 30 spoons, they’ll need to prioritize and figure out how best to spend them, and on an off-day, starting with 25 or less spoons means a lot of things fall by the wayside. As you can see from the list, some things that ought to cost the same as others, will cost more as the day goes on and spoons are depleted. Being full of 30 spoons in the morning or having only 2 or 3 left in the evening, are two very different mind frames. Spending spoons means expending energy, and it can tire you out and cost even more spoons — you may even find that you had 10 spoons left and do what is normally a 5 spoon activity, and suddenly you have no spoons left and must force yourself to go to bed and hope for a better day tomorrow. Sometimes things like spending time with friends or pets or loved ones, can help add a spoon or two to your day, making the high cost of the activity a little more bearable.

Some cheats that help —
A shower can be taken in many smaller parts over a few days.
A ‘sandwich’ can just be it’s different parts eaten while standing at an open fridge.
Finding employment that allows you to work from home can help you have energy do the rejuvenating activities with friends.
Making more food than needed at meal times, and tucking it away/freezing it for later helps on those seriously low spoon days.
Folding laundry isn’t a must, hide those crumpled up t-shirts in your drawers and don’t let anyone tell you wrinkles are out this season.
Accountability buddies are great, but encouragement buddies can be even better!
Routine, routine, routine! Knowing what is happening next takes away some of the pressure of “will I have enough spoons for the unknown?”

Now, what the heck is Fork Theory then?

While spoon theory encompasses the internal reserves, including both mental and physical aspects, fork theory centers around the ability to manage external stressors. Apparently the impetus was the phrase “Stick a fork in me, I’m done”. Everyone gets new forks stuck in them every day, small or large, and eventually we all reach a limit of forks.

For example, a medium sized fork might be that a utility bill has come in and is due. A small fork might be that you’re hungry. A large fork could be a leak in the bathroom toilet. A small fork might be needed to get to a meeting on time, but running late. A large fork can be a forgotten bill for car repairs arriving. A medium fork, the meeting ran over time and now you’re late to pick up your kid from soccer….. You get the idea. The interesting thing about fork theory is that one fork can help another — if you can’t do anything about being late to get your kid from their after school program, at least you can munch on a power bar on the way, to help alleviate and remove the small fork around being hungry. You’ve still got the other forks in you, but this one gone means your threshold for managing any new forks is greater. If you’re in the middle of a stalemate sort of argument, and you excuse yourself to use the bathroom, it could be because releasing that small fork can help you better deal in the moment with a larger fork.

Practically, creating a check-list for yourself about what some of those simple, smaller forks are can help you when you find yourself facing a big fork that you simply can’t do anything about today. Being able to do the small things to reduce stressors will change your threshold.

1. Having a clean bedroom
2. Changing your bed sheets
3. Knowing there are clean clothes for everyone in the house for tomorrow
4. Drinking a glass of water
5. Sitting down and eating a meal
6. Prepping your lunch for tomorrow the night before
7. Calling a friend who you’ve been putting off for a bit because you’re busy, but really want to catch up!
8. Taking a shower

What are your small forks that you can easily let go of, when you’ve got looming big forks? Contact me and we can work on this list together!