Harvard medical school says, Some people come by self-compassion naturally, but not everyone does. Luckily it is a learnable skill.

Here are some ways you can begin to cultivate it:

The Body –
* have a rest or take a nap when you’re tired, it’s okay to take a break
* engage in mindful movement without confining yourself to specific gains, losses or goals
* eat something “from the rainbow” because it tastes good!
* massage your body (try using a rolling pin!) (hands, feet, neck)
* go for a swim or a soak in a hot tub, just luxuriate because you can
* walk barefoot in the grass, lay down and watch the trees sway against the clouds
— Anything that improves how you feel physically is part of giving self-compassion to your body.

The Mind/Heart –
* write a letter to yourself when you were younger offering the support you needed then
* make a list of your favourite things
* do a crossword puzzle/word search/sudoko or play a brain-train game on your device of choice and don’t worry about the score
* call a friend, ask if it’s okay to talk about yourself and your journey-so-far with them for a bit, without letting the conversation end up focusing on them — you deserve some air time, too!
* write a letter to someone you’ve lost about all the things you’ve wanted to share with them since their passing
— Anything to make space for your feelings right now is on the road to self-compassion.

Give yourself Encouragement –
* think of what you’d say to a good friend if they were facing a tough situation, then when you find yourself in a similar situation, use the same compassion toward yourself
* celebrate yourself, even if you haven’t made a win or completed a goal, just celebrate being you
— Sometimes it’s okay to be our own cheerleader. We know what success we want to see, and just how hard we’ve worked for it. Success doesn’t need to be defined as a far away bar of progress, it can be just the next step in the process.

Practice Mindfulness –
* focusing on the now, letting go of the sadness and depression over the past, or the anxiety over the future, fully engaging in all that now has to offer, find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can touch or do another mindfulness activity you know, 4-square breathing, meditation, etc
— By practicing being in the moment, in your body, checking in with yourself when things go awry can help you learn to be compassionate with yourself, rather than judgemental and harsh.

Remember, pausing is something we’re working on together — it’s okay to have some down time during the day, when there is nothing to do, no demands on you, a time when you can just be. Your self-worth ought not to be tied to your productivity. What you can do for others is only part of the picture — what you can do for yourself includes taking time and space for your needs. One of those needs is to find calm and simply do nothing sometimes. This is part of self-compassion.

When we look inward, we often see a gap between who we are and who we want to be. Remember that who we are becoming is a journey and it won’t happen over night. Be compassionate with yourself when you look inside, whatever you find is okay, we were not always at this stage and we will not always be at this stage. Cherish what you see and acknowledge that it, too, will change.

One of my mentors tells a very detailed story about the directions from the workshop he was in, out of the building, and to the nearest town — the town is North of the building, and if you went out and continued North toward the town, it would be a very far walk. But if you left the building and went South toward the parking lot, you could take your car to that town to the North and get there quite quickly. Sometimes you have to go South in order to go North. Progress is not a straight line, there will be our ups and our downs along the way. Cultivating self-compassion means that at every one of those steps, we will treat ourselves with much due kindness.

If you’re interested in more activities to encourage the cultivation of self-compassion, reach out for a free 30 minute Discovery Call, and let’s chat! If you’re interested in checking out a conversation I was part of on the topic of self-love/self-compassion, head over to YouTube and look for Open Conversations with International Coaches.