I think this is a very visual way to remind us that EVERYTHING we see, regardless of whether we’re wearing glasses or not, is framed by our field of vision and our knowledge base.

We cannot see what we do not know. The example of ships coming to the shore and meeting indigenous peoples, going unnoticed until they were right on the edge of the land is perhaps a little extreme for what I’m talking about here — but the idea is similar. If you don’t understand institutional racism, you won’t see it in every aspect of your life. If you don’t know homophobia, you won’t understand how heteronormativity is actually a cleverly disguised form of homophobia that permeates all of the Western world. If you don’t know how to use boundaries, you are likely being buffeted about by those around you who also don’t set healthy boundaries.

And so, what do you do? You can’t know everything there is to know. So, we learn. But we can’t possibly spend all our time learning about everything. It’s important in your schedule to leave room for growing, for learning, for opportunities that arise, whether it’s joining a book club, or auditing a university class, or getting lost on a long-winded wiki-tangent late at night… Whatever the way you learn best, do that!

But I’ve lost the thread here. My point was about how to handle a situation when you don’t have all the facts, or you don’t know enough about the subject. Or the ways in which things are likely to change as society changes.

You handle much of that with reframing. According the the APA dictionary of psychology, “reframing is a process of reconceptualizing a problem by seeing it from a different perspective.”

When I find myself frustrated at a situation or another person, I often ask myself the question “What would make this okay?” The easy example I’ve used before — if someone is driving poorly in front of me and I’m annoyed, I start to think about all the ways that it could be possible for someone to drive like that, maybe they’re 16 and learning for the first time, or maybe they’re a new-comer and learning different rules of the road. Or maybe they’re on the way to the hospital with a loved one in critical distress. These are reasons which would allow me to give compassion to the person in front of me — rather than framing them as a “bad” driver, I have instead opened up the possibility that they could have a very legitimate reason to be driving the way they are. And so, by reframing it this way, I can then ask myself — why would I give those certain scenarios the compassion, and not just any human who might be struggling on the road in front of me? Maybe they’re not young, maybe they’ve been driving here for a long time, but they just have general anxiety, or they rarely drive, or any number of reasons they may have. This simple act of reframing the situation allows me to have compassion for anyone in this circumstance.

There are many things we cannot reframe to make “okay”. Some of them are listed above, racism, homophobia, breaking boundaries. There are a lot more. But when the stakes aren’t quite so high, when we can stop and think about an isolated incident, then it might just be possible to reframe ourselves out of a bad situation.

Have you ever had to deal with a curt wait staff in a restaurant? Or a slow cashier when you’re in a rush? Or a telemarketer? Reframing can look a lot like wearing the other person’s shoes and going for a walk. This might be similar to a previous blog, The stories we tell, how to rewire your brain for positivity. The idea there being, if there’s a story to tell in your mind about someone, why make it negative when you can choose to make it positive?

Reframing is very much like those stories. If someone is acting in a particularly off-putting way, try to imagine what their day might have looked like. Maybe they have a sick child at home, maybe they have an elderly parent who isn’t getting the right care, maybe they’re working 3 jobs to make ends meet, maybe it isn’t that they’re slow but instead that the business is understaffed. Maybe this is the only job they can get… When we take the time to imagine very real possibilities, and show kindness and compassion for our fellow human, we’ll often be surprised how it can brighten our own day. When you aren’t carrying the bad mood or actions of another person with you for the rest of the day like a raincloud above your head, instead you can maintain a sunny disposition and illuminate those around you.

Reframing is a tool, a skill. And like all other skills, we must practice it to hone our abilities. Try reframing the things that upset you the most. Try it with strangers first, when the risks are lower, and then try it with friends and family. Give them the benefit of the doubt. What might that look like?

You can also start to do this inside your own head. What if you reframed some of your negative self-talk. Instead of “I’m a failure” you could say “I don’t always win” and later “winning isn’t everything” and eventually “I sometimes succeed” and then “I am successful”. Reframing allows us to move from the negative to the positive. Like this example, it may need to pull through neutral before it can flip the script, but sometimes mindset is all that matters to get you started on a new outlook on life.

How can you see this tool working in your life? Do you need assistance with more example of reframing, or how to begin? Check my calendar and book yourself a free 30 minute discovery call, I’d love the opportunity to help you with this or any number of other skillsets.