It means you accept and trust yourself and have a sense of control in your life. You know your strengths and weakness well, and have a positive view of yourself. You set realistic expectations and goals, communicate assertively, and can handle criticism.

Maybe public speaking isn’t your thing. Maybe you can change a tire on the side of the road in just the light from the moon. Maybe you are great at sports, or make-up, or any number of things. We all have our talents. Our talents need not match those around us. Just because my sister is a great public speaker, doesn’t mean I have to be — and, I’m not! I still do it when the occasion calls for it, but I often either need to memorize my speech (which I am good at) or have notes in front of me. If I had to wing-it, I’d feel completely lost.

Sometimes confidence isn’t always about being good at what you’re doing, sometimes it’s about recognizing that you need to learn, and rather than jumping in without any guidance, you ask for help and learn what to do from someone else or a YouTube tutorial. Knowing, acknowledging and accepting your places of lack can be just as important as knowing what you’re good at.

Here’s a list of 11 things that might help you build some confidence when you’re feeling low:

1. Power Stance (or Power Posing) – This one is backed by science. Certain positions you hold your body in, like the superman/wonder woman pose (hands on hips, shoulders back, head prone and looking off into the distance) can make you feel powerful, capable, and can release hormones that help boost you in the moment.

2. Presence – knowing what is around you and how you are connected or distanced from it, engaging in mindfulness can give you a stronger sense of confidence than if you were completely oblivious to your surroundings.

3. Build Capacity for Energy – this is when you let your anxious nerves fuel you rather than letting them take over. We all feel a little bit of anxiety, but for some it can feel overwhelming. Choosing nervous energy as a super power rather than a fault can help you switch the narrative and let this energy propel you forward, rather than keep you stuck in fear. The more often you push yourself to do something that tickles your anxiety, the bigger your capacity for this grows as time goes on.

4. Mindful Movement – like getting the jitters out. Taking a walk, doing some jumping jacks, or simply shaking out your arms, legs and head can release endorphins that help you feel better and feel better about yourself in the moment, it can enhance your mood all around. The more you move, the more you release. If you have to do something you’re feeling anxious about, maybe schedule some time before where you can take a swim or go for a long walk. Don’t wear yourself out, but come to the occasion already primed.

5. Imagine It – envisioning yourself doing the task or deed can make it easier to achieve. Engage your sense, what does it smell like, taste like, sound like, etc. If we can imagine it ahead of time, we feel more prepared for possible outcomes.

6. Try, Try, and Try again – It’s okay to be on the way, to make mistakes, to try again. Confidence isn’t knocked by failure, it is spurred on by the challenge. Remember, you are not where you were a year ago, 5 years ago, a decade ago. You’ve grown and changed and you will continue to grow and change. It’s okay to make mistakes as you grow, learn from them and keep going!

7. Goal Setting – knowing where you are aiming, setting realistic goals for yourself, and knowing what it will look like to complete them is part of moving confidently in the world. When we have no direction, we feel lost and unsure of ourselves. Knowing we’re working on something, toward something, can help us move forward with ease. Accomplishing goals can boost your confidence, so when you complete one, set a new one.

8. Positive Self-Talk – your internal dialogue matters. Say kind things to yourself. You listen to yourself the most, so if you’re berating yourself or beating yourself up for not doing the thing, this doesn’t help and can perpetuate low self-confidence. Talking to yourself like your best friend might, or a good coach, or a teacher can give you the boost you need to get to the next stage.

9. Ask for Help – this is actually a two-way street. Being able to ask for help can be a humbling experience, so remember to be ready and affirming when someone else reaches out to you for help in the future. We don’t know everything, and we can’t always learn it from research. Sometimes we need a real helping hand on our side. Who would you turn to, if you needed support? Keep a list in your head, or in your phone to make it easier to know who to ask.

10. Refining Skills – there’s always more to learn. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you can’t keep learning about it, whether it come from experience or from experts in the field, never pass up an opportunity to hone your skills.

11. Faith it ’til you Make it – I like this one a lot, it isn’t about faking it, it’s about trusting in your own ability to keep trying until you get there. Practice makes better, so role-playing with friends can help you get where you need to go easier. If you have faith in yourself, you’ll get there in due time.

Remember, what we see online is usually everyone else’s highlight reels, while what we experience in life is our own stages of growth and development. It can take time, really a lot of time, to get to the point of feeling confident in yourself and your actions. But don’t give up — there is light at the end of the tunnel!

There are a lot of road blocks along the way to self confidence. Imposter syndrome, insecurity, anxiety, these are all real. Dealing with them head on is usually the best practice. Reach out to me at any time if you’d like some help in facing your fears.